Monday, June 28, 2004

it's soooooooo unfair! :'(

as Kevin The Teenager often famously said, "It's SOOOOOOOOO unfair!!!"
Today I feel like that! and i am quoting Harry Enfield's great comic creation as it is the best way to express how i currently feel.
we had an arts day so i did no work (but got to watch "my big fat greek wedding", which was excellent) and then at the end there was a sort of presentation thing but half the year 12s (my year) couldnt be arsed to stay for it and wanted to go home early so we sneaked out the back. i went to the common room and was gonna get ready to go when i got started talking with jack and then i saw one of the lists of next year's study rooms (the heads of school have been preparing them lately) and i was with alice and ollie so i got out a pen and drew an arrow going from my name to another study where there were better ppl, and me and jack ended up having an argument about it. i never want to be anywhere near ollie for the rest of my life, i hate him so much, i dont care if i am only in my study for a few minutes per day i still want to avoid him as much as humanly possible. i dont wanna fall out with the heads of school (inc. jack) but id do anything to avoid ollie as much as poss. im still pissed off about being lumped with him (and alice). i feel like a fucking misfit. im so depressed.
the heads are being total hypocrites cos theyve been making sure the rooms are arranged so THEY arent with ollie (or other ppl they hate) and then they ignore the rest of us and put us with ppl we hate. ive told them repeatedly that ollie is the last person id wanna share a room with, and theyve just put me with him, out of all the possible ppl!! just cos theyre heads of school... power crazy ppl!

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Portsmouth and Gomez

played football almost all day friday cos chemistry and general studies were cancelled and i dont do maths anymore anyways so i had 6 free periods (out of 8 periods a day!) and then played rounders after school too. jack invited me to see gomez at concorde 2 in brighton and i really wanted to go but my parents wouldnt let me :-( but we went to portsmouth on saturday (yesterday) and i bought:





so i was happy :-)

clarkey announced who gets which study-rooms this year... turns out im with ollie cos no one can stand him and im one of the only remotely tolerant and resiliant ppl in the year. but at least im with will too. and alice, but she doesnt really count as she does nowt but talk about golf. will was well pissed off. we're undoubtedly gonna move into other ppl's studies as soon as poss...

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Heroic Familt Dog Drags Problem Child Back Into Burning Building

a classic spoof from The Spark:


Heroic Family Dog Drags Problem Child Back into Burning Building

Dover - Man's best friend made the ultimate sacrifice for Larry and Jen Randal yesterday, as the couple's cherished Retriever, Mrs. Cookie, leaped into a flaming building to ensure the demise of their obnoxious son. Four-year-old Billy Randal seemed about to escape a late-night blaze at the couple's suburban residence when the pet subdued the child and dragged him back to his death as the neighbors and parents he had tormented watched gratefully.
Mr. Randal said that the fire began accidentally when the vat of oily rags he stored in Billy's closet was ignited by one of the candles the family used for light. At the first sign of smoke, Mr. Randal quickly ushered his wife and Mrs. Cookie to safety, where they agreed that "maybe it was a good time to let the little guy catch up on his sleep."
A tense silence fell on the gathering crowd when crashing debris woke Billy, and the child stumbled toward the door. As the family watched helplessly from the sidewalk, the boy struggled free of the burning debris, his tiny body silhouetted against blaze.
Tragedy was avoided only when Mrs. Cookie sprung from Larry Randal's arms to pull the staggering, annoying four-year-old back into the fire. According to firefighters' reports, the dog, "like some kind of Darth Lassie," was gnawing on Billy's charred flesh even as it was itself overcome by flames.
Witnesses described the boy's screams as typically obnoxious. "But actual death shut Billy's mouth like no beating ever could," his thankful mother said.
She continued, "Billy changed the life of everyone who knew him. I'll never forget it when he pulled my hair and called me a lesbian." Mr. Randal added, "He would call me that, too." Billy was especially close to Mrs. Cookie, said his parents, "He would grip her ears and try to ride Cookie down the stairs or sometimes trick her into licking the stove. It's that kind of thing that inspired her to do what she did."
Shortly after the fire was extinguished, the family gathered with relatives and a few close friends at a nearby nightclub to come to terms with Billy's death.

blog wednesday 23 june

must learn to write shorter blogs as my page takes longer and longer to load. oh well.
no longer pissed off with Dave as he has been nice to me today :-) still hate Ollie tho :-( i think everyone does. we were choosing study rooms today and no one wants to share with him (no surprise really).
Luigi is fun, we might go to the sports centre one of these days. me and dad took him out for an english cream tea and scones at the bowls club (at the marine gardens, not the big one in town... worthing is capital of the world for bowls!) - how british can ya get?! ;-)
ah cant think of much else to write now, except that Foss managed to get hold of a copy of the banned year 13 photo (see "the condom incident and other stories"), and Jack has broken his ass and his hand from falling 7 foot from something he climbed on and landing on a marble floor. ouch.

blog: tuesday 22nd june

tuesday 22nd june:

went to see royal shakespeare company play of "a midsummer's night dream" (or is it "a midsummber night's dream"??) last weekend - twas excellent :-)
cousin luigi is here, learning english - hes doing well but is shy to speak in english as he doesnt think hes doing that great.
going to germany in a couple of weeks, but i cant wait to drop german! i am SOOOOOOO BORED during the lessons! and ollie is a right perv, he keeps trying to touch me (this week he swapped places with dave (without asking dave!) so he cld be next to me, and then he intrudes into my space - his hands and elbows and books spill over onto my desk, and sometimes he puts his feet under my desk too. i end up losing about 50% of my desk space :-( he doesnt seem to realise how rude it is. im dying to kick in his bollocks in revenge...). dave is ok sometimes but hes really depressing and cynical about everything (especially me) - he thinks hes so smart (i dont think hes any cleverer than average) and he treats me like im blonde or something. i hope i get a good enough grade in psychology so i can do it next year and drop german. if it wasnt for the trip, and the fact my mum wouldnt let me drop anything, id have dropped german yonks ago. id have dropped maths too, it was only mum's ban on me dropping subjects, and the fact i had extra tuition, that i carried on with it. i hope i pass it otherwise ive just wasted a whole fucking year of my life! wont find out until august...
got community action day soon (bah humbug! i did voluntary work for a few months, they should let me off community action day cos of that!) - basically means we have to spend a day supposedly helping ppl outside the school. it usually involves children and/or old people. in year 8 (my 1st community day) i signed up to do gardening with some friends and we thought wed all get to go together on the same project, but they split us up and put us all on different projects in totally different places so we didnt see each other all day, and i was in a group of strangers (they were nice to me, but i wanted to be with ppl i knew cos i was new there). we had to work in a garden at a school id never been to before, i think it was a "special" school, and i was really scared cos there was a guy there who kept on trying to chat me up. the next year i signed up to do something completely different but they still managed to give me the same placement again (its a total lottery) so i bunked off and stayed at home all day (i was bored but at least i felt safe!). in year 10 it was our last before the GCSEs so we were given our first choices - i chose to do cooking for old ppl from a home who were gonna come to the school for a visit and show. after cooking, i met the kids who had been looking after/socialising with the old ppl for their placement. there was one old man who kept repeating himself and talking on and on and on: he kept on saying "i used to take boys from private schools to india", just slightly rephrased each time ("i took private school boys to india", "i once took boys to india, they were from private schools", etc.) for about 15 minutes so the boys who were supposed to be talking with him just left him. there was also an old guy who tried to flirt with the girls.
u dont have to do community action day in year 11 so my brother's safe this year (hes always been lucky for this thing, he always seems to get stuff like sponsored walks with his friends) and i dont think u have to do it in Y13 either. but im in year12 so im stuffed. i just hope i get something nice this year since its my last community day ever.
weve got sports day on thursday and year 12 have to help (tho we dont take part) - doing stuff like measuring times and distances - but loads of us are thinking of not turning up to it. theres no point in me turning up to school anyway on that day, cos its just periods 1 and 2 as normal, then periods 3-5 getting ready for the sports day (i.e. doing bugger all, just standing outside waiting for coaches and stuff), and then the rest of the day is sports day. but on my normal thursday i dont have any lessons in periods 1 & 2 so i dont need to turn up until the afternoon (when theres the actual sports day), and then ill probably boycott it so i dont need to turn up at all.
found out results of heads of school - clarkey got head boy, lara got head girl, and jack and georgia got deputies. alice was so pissed off she didnt get head girl that she stormed off (allegedly crying too!). i didnt mind losing that much, cos lara is nice and i dont mind her being head girl, and i can always run for house captain or debating society prez.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

the Killers

here's a picture of that new band i've been going on about:


(their guitarist has similar hair to Will. altho there is no correlation between my friendship with him and my listening to the killers.)

stuff... random stuff... relatives... and other stuff. oh, and Chelmsford.

one of my Italian cousins is coming to stay with us for a while, and my parents have gone to pick him up from the airport. He's coming here to learn english and he'll be going to one of those "english-for-foreign-students" schools in Brighton. But being italian, he's only planning to go to the morning lessons, and then come home to have lunch and sleep for a few hours in the afternoon. my gran reckons that it's a waste of time cos there's no point in him coming all the way over here to learn a bit of english when he has the chance to learn more, but his mum (my aunt) seems perfectly happy to spend her money on that (she's richer than us anyway. bah). it's typically (stereotypically! lol) italian attitude to do sod all in the afternoons. its a wonder anything ever gets done. Will and Malc are planning to move to italy one day and just laze about, eat, drink and have sex (not with each other, obviously). they're confident about getting jobs there cos theyre blonde and Italians worship blonde ppl as they are so rare.
went to see english 2nd/3rd cousins a few weeks ago, theyre really nice (Hi John, Susan, Rose, Sophia). its really weird that we've hardly ever seen them before, compared with how many times weve seen my italian 1st cousins - ok so theres a difference in relatedness but colchester is a lot nearer to us than italy! anyway we're gonna be seeing them much more often from now on. funny thing i noticed about essex when we went to see them: there's a heck of a lot of people in baseball caps. far more than in any other area. especially in chelmsford, and on industrial estates in colchester. apart from my relatives and their friends, who are normal people, essex ppl are a bit... well, funny. i am beginning to see what they mean by phrases such as "essex girls". it seems that everybody, bar (most) old ppl and immigrants, are dressed like this:
males: always wearing baseball caps, with big peaks (usually the younger the person, the larger the peak);
females: not wearing as much as you should be, especially if it's cold and/or you're overweight.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

blog tuesday 15th june - exams, school, ash, the killers, and stuff.

Tuesday 15th June 2004:

Finished exams last week :-) for once I think i may have actually passed a couple of maths exams for the first time in ages. (Fingers crossed for an overall pass - i reckon i failed M1 but passed P1 and S1. My overall grade is made from all 3, so hopefully my success at S1 and P1 will outweigh how bad i was at M1...)
Back to school to start work at the A2 syllabuses (syllabi?) - it's a little difficult to fit everything in as German and Psychology are on at the same time, so I've had to alternate between the two. I hope the teachers don't get pissed off by this (so far they aren't) - Depressing Dave in my german class was well pissed off that i had to leave the lesson to go to psychology, he thought i was bunking off or something, plus he was pissed off to be left alone - Evil Ollie wasn't there either, cos he was retaking his maths GCSE.
It is unbelievable how stupid Ollie is - not only is he the only person in my year group retaking GCSEs, he forgot to turn up to the mocks AND the real exams, had to reminded by the teachers, and ended up arriving late for the exams. And his parents are the richest in the school so they could probably afford to get him private tuition, all the revision guides he'd ever need, that sorta thing... so the only reason he could fail anything is just plain natural stupidity. He's not even bright enough to realise that he needs to revise for exams - i swear he's the only person i know who I've NEVER seen revising for exams (or doing any other work outside of lessons). I once asked him why he never works, and said that everyone else (including me) works, and he said "that's cos you're all stupid and I don't need to work cos i'm clever enough already." I couldn't get over how arrogant he is, and how far his tiny head is up his stinkin arse. People like that shouldnt exist, they should have died out by now - this guy has less intelligence than cavepeople. I could go on for ages about how stupid this geezer is, so i'd better stop now, otherwise I'll get huge electricity bills from having the computer on for so long... (Thankfully, he's rumoured to be leaving at the end of this year!)

On a brighter note, the yeargroup photos have arrived (it was at least 2 weeks since i sent the cheque for it, and I was beginning to think they'd forgotten, or nicked the cheque, or something...)
There's also the interviews for new heads of school tomorrow (I'm up for Head Girl). I hope it goes well - I couldn't think of much stuff to write for my CV for it, so i hope i do much better in the interview. I'm also curious to find out how i did in the voting for it (Evil Ollie only got 1 vote, and that was from Big Sam, who said he voted for him just cos he felt sorry for him cos no-one was voting for him.)
Also played Frisbee on the grass outside today, which was fun :-D and also went to the beach yesterday.
Got a craving for Ash records today, probably cos lately i've been watching the video for "Shining light" on TV a lot, hearing good reviews of their new album, and listening to similar bands like The Killers a lot too. Listening to "burn baby burn" right now.

Monday, June 14, 2004

The Penis working hours

The complaint:

Ms.B.Haven;

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

The response:

Dear Penis;

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You must be stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
the assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Pictures Moved

2 pix (of Ville Valo and Justin Hawkins) that were on here have now been moved here - http://helfirespix.blogspot.com.

More Great Thinkers Of Our Time - Stupid Quotes

"We are a grandmother."
- Margaret Thatcher, former Prime Minister.

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer.

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress.

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian.

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

"The team has come along slow but fast."
- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager

"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5."
- Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player

"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Acfield

"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- Decca Records rejecting The Beatles, in 1962

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

"We're just physically not physical enough."
- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
- Dwight Eisenhower

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity."
- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

"Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it?
- Harry News, music reviewer

"Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old."
- Herb Score, Sportscaster

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

"We're going to move left and right at the same time."
- Jerry Brown, Governor of California.


George W Bush will soon have his own quotes post in this blog as there are so many dumb quotes of his that they really deserve their own separate post. He even beats Dan Quayle for the number of stupid quotes I've found...